Some
months ago I did my third tattoo. The tattoo artist told me I was too thin to
do it on the ribs, it would have been painful, but I told him to write on my
body “No fear” and felt no pain at all.Now I
look at that message on my body and try to remember why I wanted that words on
me, I can’t remember. I don’t remember why I was so fearless in that period
even if know I am.
Well,
everybody seems thinking of me as a truly brave person. Everybody tell me they
envy my courage, they would like to be like me and I spend hours and days
thinking about these words. I don’t think I am fearless, special; don’t think
to have super powers. I think I am completely mad sometimes, or irresponsible…
then, when can’t find my irresponsibility or my madness anywhere I become
fearless. A friend
of mine recently told me I’m one of those smart mad people, who live without
caring about how much they are going to suffer, they do whatever they want,
they are passionate and strong, even if they don’t know it.
Well,
these words made me understand why I asked that guy to write on my ribs “No
fear”.
I do
have my fears as everybody: I am terrified by snakes, stairs, grow old, clowns,
deep water and other things.
I am
scared of unreal things like ghosts and monsters.
I am
scared also every time my boyfriend is mad at me or he doesn’t look at me as I
would.
I am
scared not to build the career I want, or to do a normal job.
I could
write a so much long list of things I am scared of…
I think
what is different in me is refusing to run away.
Maybe I
might look weird with my eyes wide open and my legs that forget how to walk. I
stop talking, often cry all day long. I force me to stay stuck in that place
where my fear is, it doesn’t help me to face it, doesn’t help me to take over
it. Is a self-inflicted torture I do to me. Stay there, until I remember how to
walk again, until I can restart to live or eat or work or love.
What is
different in me is keeping my fear in front of me all the time, even when I
think everything is ok.
I keep it
there, keep staring at it all the time, it makes me shake, it makes my heart
beat fast. But it doesn’t come closer; it will never stop me to do what I want.
Maybe,
what is different in me is that I deeply believe in what I still don’t know,
even if is dangerous or scary. I think that if I don’t like what I am doing or
the place I am, and the only way to change is jumping from a waterfall and
breaking all my bones then I’m happy to do it. It will be painful, but one day,
when my bones will heal, I won’t remember the pain, but the adrenaline of the
jump.
Other people
think I am a fool, a rebel, and a lost soul, who constantly changes her life
without thinking about it. My
courage is in erasing my life every couple of years and starting over.
People
never start over; it seems something you should be afraid of. Well, is hard
yes… much more than everything else. Is almost impossible, but someone told me
just the mad ones change the world.
If I am
in that mad ones is not a problem I care about, I want to live the world, and
if is something too big then... I want to live my life, as I want, if this means
breaking all my bones every time I do it, then, it will be ok.
Some
people tell me I want to live a movie life, something too adventurous to be
true, well if someone makes those movies, is because there is someone else who
inspire them. And now
I remember which was the other tattoo I wanted to do that day: ivy, a plant
which grows where all the other ones dies.
Finally spring has come and I like this light enough to unpack my photo camera and restart shooting, next saturday I'll post the new pictures of this year!
But there's a great news today! Vogue Italy opened a new channel on its website and my pictures are online from yesterday!
If you wanna check it out I leave the link HERE
On Vogue.it you can vote the pictures just clickin on VOTE under the pic.
xoxo
Finalmente è arrivata la primavera e questa luce mi piace abbastanza per poter riprendere la mia adorata macchina fotografica e ricominciare a scattare! Sabato prossimo caricherò le prime foto di quest'anno!
Ma c'è un'altra grande notizia oggi! Vogue Italia ha aperto un nuovo canale sul sito e le mie foto sono online da ieri!
Se volete guardarle lascio il link QUI
Su Vogue.it potete votare le foto semplicemente cliccando sul tasto VOTA sotto l'immagine.
xoxo
Irene
